You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
There's a naked man in my car right now.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
