the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
