The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
