Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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