His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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