I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
