All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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