So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
