So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Randomize
