The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
