I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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