bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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