I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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