I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
