You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
