i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Oh god it's open bar.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
