you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
