i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
