I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
