I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
