I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
