I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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