my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
