maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
