so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
