I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
