He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
