Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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