Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
