And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
