i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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