I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
we're so committed to being not committed
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
