Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
