i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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