My balls are so social today.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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