i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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