Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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