If that was your dad, he is hot
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
