What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Every concussion has its silver lining
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
