i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Randomize
