I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
