Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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