I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
i now understand why vodka
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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