there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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