I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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