planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
