HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
