This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
