you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
