she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
