Me. At least after what I've been through.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
