Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
